


Imperfect

by cher



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Domestic Avengers, F/M, M/M, Post Avengers (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-25
Updated: 2012-07-25
Packaged: 2017-11-10 16:51:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/468534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cher/pseuds/cher
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>But, the thing is, and he can admit this to himself sometimes, he’s afraid of trying to sleep. It was fucking terrible right after Afghanistan, and then just mildly awful, but since his one-way-but-not trip to another galaxy while humping a nuke, it’s been bad.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Imperfect

**Author's Note:**

  * For [valderys](https://archiveofourown.org/users/valderys/gifts).



Pepper still pets Tony's hair when he flings himself down in her lap, which he does every time he finds her on the couch. Well. When her lap isn't already full of files or a laptop or Natasha, that one very strange time that he never thinks about unless he is far far away from Natasha, because she _knows_. Anyway. The point is that Pepper is amazing and wonderful and she _loves_ him, even though she's not _in_ love with him anymore, and that's okay, really, this is fine. 

Tony knows he's too much and not enough at the same time, Bruce would know what to call that, quantum physics should not be approached while sober. Which he is. Very sober. A bit … bright? around the edges maybe, he hasn’t slept in a while. Whatever, what he's trying to say - think? - is that he loves Pepper and he loves it when she pets his hair, and if he still doesn't really know why that's not enough for either of them, well, at least he's not miserable. Not today. Most days. Today, Pepper is petting his hair, and not even complaining that he smells of burnt solder. 

“Pepper,” he says, “Pepper, Pepper, wonderful Pepper?”

“Shush, Tony,” she says, not looking away from her StarkPhone, but she smiles and she keeps petting him, so it’s fine. Tony kind of suspects her of trying to make him fall asleep when she does this, but it just isn’t going to work. He doesn’t call her on it, though, because petting!

So Tony’s world is good, and nothing is on fire - _he’s_ not on fire, shut up, solder just smells like that - and Fury hasn’t pissed on Tony’s parade for weeks. He’s starting to get a bit antsy, if he’s honest. Which he is. Today. Maybe he should hack the helicarrier again.

He’s considering adding a few drones to the armor’s ordinance, maybe loading JARVIS-lite on them, using them to hack systems JARVIS can’t get into otherwise, when Natasha pads in, dressed as Natalie, and she must be in a good mood because Tony actually sees her coming. She folds herself down on Pepper's other side and nods at him. He looks at her upside down from Pepper’s lap, and tries to decide if his terror of laying with his belly exposed, on the same couch as Natasha, outweighs the bliss of having Pepper pet his hair.

Pepper solves the problem for him, giving him a poke to the head. "Up, Tony," she says, shifting on the couch.

Tony sits up, not even whining at all, see, he's maturing. He does make sure he doesn't turn his back to Natasha, though. What? He trusts her to the ends of her pointy, pointy nails when they're Avenging, but in the Tower he can't help but expect a needle to his neck at any moment. His trust issues are justified. So very, very justified. 

"Is this girl time now? Are you kicking me out? Off my own couch? I could go and get some nail polish, Pep, you know I'm great at nail polish, you don't have to kick me out. Because if you want to gossip about the team I am totally down with that, I have a whole rating system on the awesomeness of the asses in this team, seriously, it's distracting. Starting with mine, of course, but Steve, Steve's ass is just ridiculous, and Barton is a surprising contender. Not sure why, he mostly just stands in one place and then falls off things, it's not like -"

"Tony," Pepper interrupts him, thank god for Pepper, "Out."

Tony starts to argue for his inclusion in any gossip, but he catches Natasha's look and thinks better of it. "JARVIS," he calls as he heads off to find coffee, "make a note: ways to apply my Ass Rating System to Friday Night Poker."

“Ass Rating System, noted, Sir,” says JARVIS, the slightest bit of sass in his voice making Tony grin.

Tony secretly kind of loves that he gets kicked out of rooms in his own house. It’s weird, but it turns out he likes hearing the Tower full of people, finding them in different places doing the things they do - the specifics of which, frankly, never fail to surprise him, _Barton_ , I'm looking at you.

He can’t relax when he’s alone in his penthouse, jumps at every noise; every shadow is Obadiah. Hearing Barton and Thor shouting at each other in the next room is strangely comforting. Even if they do, currently, seem to be having a Mario Kart death match, which is frankly bizarre. Tony just hopes it won't end with Mjölnir and the screen meeting at speed. Again.

He gets his coffee, thinks he’ll drag Bruce down to his workshop and geek out for awhile.

*

There is just nothing greater than having your own live-in fellow geek, seriously, Tony isn’t kidding here. _Nothing greater._ Tony’s feeling manic from coffee and science and bouncing delicious, wonderful ideas off Bruce’s beautiful brain, and even though Bruce has deserted the cause and taken himself off to sleep - lightweight! - Tony’s feeling _awesome_.

JARVIS makes his about-to-say-something kind of silence, and Tony knows what it is and resists putting his hands over his ears. He’s not twelve, no matter what Fury says.

“Sir, you have now been awake for thirty eight hours. Captain Rogers has asked me to remind you of your scheduled training tomorrow morning. Perhaps if you were rested, you might spend less time on your back?”

Tony snorts a laugh. “JARVIS, are you trying to sound dirty? Because really, okay, yes, there is a lot of getting my ass handed to me by Steve, that is a thing that happens when I am trying to fight super soldiers without the armor, sleep or no sleep, Nurse Chapel. But thanks for that mental image, JARVIS, really.”

Because Tony built JARVIS, and JARVIS is an absolute bastard when he wants to be, JARVIS silently projects a clip on loop of Tony going down under Steve in the gym. Tony is a sweaty mess, and Steve looks like he’s just out for a stroll. It … okay, Tony can admit it, it gives him a buzz. He owns his kinks, dammit.

“...JARVIS, that is, actually, not going to help me sleep.”

“No, Sir, but experience suggests that it has high chance of ‘sending you to your bunk’. Which is a start.”

Tony’s impressed. That he can hear JARVIS’ air quotes, for one, and that his AI is just that fucking sneaky, for two. He probably should be disturbed that his AI is apparently spontaneously presenting him with jerk-off material, but, eh, they’re buds.

But, the thing is, and he can admit this to himself sometimes, he’s afraid of trying to sleep. It was fucking terrible right after Afghanistan, and then just mildly awful, but since his one-way-but-not trip to another galaxy while humping a nuke, it’s been bad.

Pepper loves him, and forgives him more than he deserves, and she tried to understand. But, it was a lot to ask when he’d be screaming at three in the morning, again, third time in a week. It was just one of the things that meant they were better as friends. That way, Pepper could deal with Tony being the fun kind of broken, and the annoying kind of broken, but she didn't have to see the pathetic kind so often.

He's glad that if he startles awake he levels repulsors he's not wearing; wakes brandishing his palms, not throwing punches. As an instinctive defense it really sucks, but he's glad, so glad, that it means he's never hurt Pepper just because he had a nightmare.

As much as Tony likes his team - and he has to pause to poke at that thought every so often - he likes advertising his fucked up brain much less. So he sleeps - tries to sleep - in his workshop more often than not, because Tony might be an awesome engineer whose like has never before been seen, but super soldiers and gods and scary ninja types can still hear him screaming, even through his soundproofing.

So, he hangs out in the workshop when the Tower is asleep, and JARVIS keeps him awake when he demands it (mostly, the asshole), and if he falls asleep with his face smushed into a piece of his armor sometimes, that's fine. He's always lived in his workshop; nothing strange about it.

“Sir,” says JARVIS, jolting him out of his stupid-ass gloomy thoughts - where did his awesome mood go? “Captain Rogers is approaching.”

*

The thing people forget about Steve is that he does not have a history of making friends with people who could be described as 'nice'. His best friend was just start-to-finish trouble, and Steve would not have wanted to be the guy on the other side of his rifle. Steve's first team was a ragtag collection of scoundrels and ruffians - good men, all of them. And Peggy - Peggy'd have shot you for calling her nice.

So. The people who're surprised that Steve likes Tony? They've fallen for the propaganda line and have all kinds of strange notions about Steve's sainthood. They don’t seem to understand the difference between ‘nice’, and _decent_.

The truth is, Tony drives Steve bonkers, but he's magnetic.

Steve remembers his first sight of Iron Man, inhuman, like a HYDRA soldier all over again. Now that he knows Tony, he can’t help but see all of his personality - his mountains of personality - in every move the armor makes. Tony is all noise and flash when he thinks someone is watching him, but Steve knows what he's looking at, now. 

When JARVIS lets him into the workshop, he sees what he’s expecting. Tony’s eyes are too wide and he’s radiating the kind of energy that Steve recognises from the mirror; desperate and brittle, anything to avoid the dreams. He doesn’t even seem to be working on any particular project...but there is a video playing in mid air, of Steve and Tony sparring in the gym last week.

“Tony...?” he tries, jerking his head at the video.

“Uh,” says Tony, sounding a little flustered, which is odd. “I was … trying to study that move? JARVIS, you can shut it off now.”

“Yes, Sir.”

Steve’s probably just imagining that JARVIS sounds amused. He’s not imaging the middle finger Tony waves in the direction of the ceiling. “‘Yes, Sir’, my ass,” he mutters. “MIT. I mean it.”

“Of course, Sir,” says JARVIS smoothly. “Perhaps Captain Rogers would like to watch the next Star Wars movie?”

Tony perks right up. It’s … kinda cute, not that Steve would ever admit it. “ _Steve_. We’re up to _Jedi_ , you can’t put it off a moment longer, it’s totally the best in the franchise - not that there are any more to watch after this one, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Especially not Banner, he’s got the worst taste in the world, I swear.” Tony’s up and tugging Steve over to the couch, which has obviously been doing double duty as Tony’s bed.

“Cue it up, JARVIS, and make Steve some popcorn. And make sure Dummy stays down for the night, I don’t think I can stand another round of Artoo impressions.”

Steve kind of agrees. He pushes Tony’s blanket aside and makes himself comfortable on the couch as the familiar music starts to play. “Thanks, JARVIS. How about some hot cocoa for Tony and I as well?”

Tony shoots him a strange look. “Cocoa? Okay, Cap, whatever makes you happy.” He drops down next to Steve, and immediately jumps back up again. “JARVIS, where did I put … thanks, buddy,” as JARVIS helpfully spotlights the … something … that Tony’s looking for.

Steve’s not sure what the gadget does, but he knows Tony’s got to be a lot more tired than he already is before he’ll sit down to watch a movie without something to keep his hands busy. It’s one of the things Steve loves about watching with him; he finds the quiet tinkering noises and Tony’s occasional under-the-breath swearing comforting.

Armed with the gadget and a couple of tools, Tony rounds up the popcorn and cocoa that JARVIS makes appear from somewhere, and comes back to the couch.

“Here you go, Capsicle. Now shh, here comes Vader.”

Steve takes his spoils and settles down to watch. Tony sits down next to him and slurps at his cocoa, gadget and tools in his lap. Steve’s side feels warm when Tony’s sitting, even though they’re not touching, and it’s nice. “JARVIS,” he calls, “could you get the lights? Thank you.”

Tony doesn’t even complain that he can’t see to tinker. Steve sneaks a look, and he’s watching the droids on screen raptly, arc reactor glowing faintly through his shirt.

He makes it as far as the odd little teddy bear aliens before he’s out like a light. Steve eases the gadget away from him, and drapes the blanket around his shoulders. Tony snuffles a little, and his head drops onto Steve’s shoulder.

Steve’s pretty sure Tony won’t notice the arm Steve drapes around him.


End file.
